Onedia in the Ozarks

I have been writing about manners because one look at the news tells us someone, actually all of us, needs to speak our minds about manners.  Let us not confuse modern manners with the type of detailed etiquette rules about forks and introductions and carefully written bread and butter notes.  Those are better addressed by those comfortable with state dinners and government galas.  I am more concerned about what happens on the sidewalk or the subway on an ordinary day.

Ever been on a subway or light rail mass transit when a pregnant woman with a toddler in tow and a couple of packages boards looking unsuccessfully for an empty seat?  Meanwhile, the young men or women talking or texting on their phones look up and then merrily keep their seats.  Not only that but every other person on that car with a seat does exactly the same or blatantly pretends to be unaware of the woman who is probably aching to rest her back  and her feet.  Perhaps you who are older than any of those other people with your own aches and pains recalled how it is to be in that condition and that circumstance offered your seat.  If so, I hope  you glared at every one of those rude, self-absorbed creatures passing for nice people.  As for you healthy people what are you thinking?  There is even a reminder on most conveyances that certain seats should be vacated for those who need to sit down.  So, let me make it very clear that those in need include pregnant women, people with a heavy or cumbersome package, elderly people, people with canes, people carrying small children, and people who just look like they really need to sit.

Coming right along behind giving a seat is giving a hand.  Open doors for those same people.  Pay attention to anyone who is behind you and hold the door rather than letting it slam just as they reach it. Hold the elevator for that person who is almost there.  These are not difficult actions.  They simply require being present in the moment and mindful of what is going on around us. ¹ Imagine yourself in that person’s shoes and behave as you would want to be treated.  Notice the other beings in your path and in your wake.

Good manners are really all about  not putting yourself before everything else.  Good manners are about simple kindness. They are about respecting others as worthy of your notice and of your smallest easiest actions like standing up. Oh, and tag a little smile on for good measure.  You will notice that people will respond in kind.