So your spouse or whomever is responsible for taking out the trash forgets to do it. You remind, nicely or possibly not so nicely. We all do it sometimes. However, when you go to the kitchen trash bin and open it to find a nice new empty bag do you think to say to that person, “Thank you for taking out the trash.” even when you did NOT need to remind them to do their task? Do you do it out of simple appreciation with sincerity evident in your voice?
I am writing this post as part of my Modern Manners sidepieces because I was chatting with a young woman I know from Portland. 1 She is about to be married and asked me what my secrets to a long happy marriage are. I referred her to my recent post on choosing a mate. Shortly after that chat I went to the trash and finding it empty thanked my husband and tucked away the thought for this post.
Matthew and I naturally fell into that habit over the past eighteen years of thanking each other for those little niceties and for the ordinary chores even when it is an expectation. He thanks me for making the bed or for the bar of chocolate I bring from the store with equal sincerity. I thank him for the morning cup of coffee he brings me as well as for cutting the grass. We expect each other to do our agreed upon tasks and perform those functions that keep our little homestead in tact. We still routinely say, “Thank your for. . .” several times a day. We don’t think about or force it. This behavior is simply natural to us at this point. It wells up from mutual love, respect, and common ordinary courtesy.
Courtesy is an infrequent guest in our homes, offices, shops, roadways, sidewalks and our government. Courtesy should not be something we roll out with our best outfit or proffer to those whom we think deserve it. Courtesy should become our constant companion walking with us in every hallway and riding with us in every conveyance. It should moderate our words and our behavior. We should wear courtesy next to our skin to insulate against the discourtesy we may encounter and thereby help us to return discourtesy with courtesy.
Courtesy helps us remember that the other carbon-based entity is a person with problems, ailments, chores, conflicting priorities and plenty of frustrations. Courtesy helps us to notice and to appreciate. Courtesy forestalls anger and imprudent behavior. Courtesy gets payed forward and become habitual with repetition. Courtesy nurtures friendliness and peace. Courtesy is our best foot forward and the best way to exit. Courtesy keeps us from taking our spouse or children or partner for granted. Courtesy is a secret to good life.
- who is now living in Spain ↩