Onedia in the Ozarks

Archive for the ‘Distracted’ Category

November 28th, 2010 by Onedia Hayes Sylvest

Why Am I Here?

Doing housework can be either a protracted process or a whirlwind of activity depending on the day, time and urgency of the need for the cleaning evolution.  I dislike cleaning chores some more than others.  I would rather clean the toilet than do the dishes and I always ask my husband to do the vacuuming if he is around.  Actually, on any given day it does not occur to me to dust or vacuüm or sweep the porches unless I happen to come in the front door and notice the leaves or whatever on the steps or landing.  I am reminded of dusting when the dust clouds off the night stand when I move a book.  I do notice the bathroom more often compelling me to wipe out the sink before I wash my hands. However, noticing the need for housework does not mean that I will do it that day or even the next or next.  It usually takes an uncomfortable sense of disorder and some sneezing or coughing because of pet hair floating in the air.

If I did a little each day as my sister does and stayed on top of things these housecleaning evolutions would not be needed. I sometimes attempt to operate this way but one lapse leads to another and I am back in my usual routine.  These cleaning operations are sometimes initiated because I have an impulse to do it then.  The whirlwind comes out and I put my head down and go for it. Stay out of my way! 

Most of the time I decide the day before and 1 get started the next day usually by culling the piles of magazines and clearing away the items that clutter the oval table between our chairs.  However, the next task could be initiated when I take something to the bedroom and then start putting away clothes that are in the clothesbasket on the chair. 2 Next I may pick up a glass for the kitchen and a towel to put on the bathroom towel bar.   Some days I manage to complete one room before moving on to the next and other days I will get diverted before completing a room and move on.

For example yesterday I was clearing the table between our chairs when

  1. I noticed the table fountain
  2. remembered the light needed adjusting
  3. sat down to see about the light
  4. needed some tweezers and small tools from the studio
  5. walked through the laundry
  6. stopped to check the dryer
  7. walked through the garage to the studio
  8. turned on the studio light and fan
  9. fed the fish
  10. turned on my computer monitor
    1. checked my mail
    2. checked Google Reader
    3. checked Facebook and wrote some wall posts
  11. left the computer
  12. exited the studio
  13. encountered my husband who asked me to close the garage door for him
  14. headed for the room air filter I wanted in the house
  15. took it on the driveway to clean
  16. carried it to the house shutting the garage on my way
  17. set the air cleaner down in kitchen
  18. started loading the dishwasher
  19. remembered I had gone to the studio for something but not what it was
  20. made some tea for my husband 3
  21. replaced a pillow case on a pillow for my chair
  22. noticed the fountain
  23. remembered that I had gone to the studio for tools

Meanwhile, I had not finished the bedroom or the dishes or the clothes in the dryer or the piles in the living room, but I was hungry and went to make a salad.

  1. possibly ↩
  2. the clothesbasket that has been there several days ↩
  3.  sudden virus attack ↩

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Posted in Disorganized, Distracted | 9 Comments »

March 4th, 2008 by Onedia Hayes Sylvest

Hints From a Graduate of the Erma Bombeck School of Housewifery

If you are of a certain age you know and revere Erma Bombeck whose books are sufficient guides for any woman on the fine art of housewifery. She offers practical and sincere advice for us all. The essential library for all keepers of the house. If ever in a quandary about the correct path, simply ask yourself what Erma would do and problem solved.

For instance when considering the ongoing task of laundry I remember one of her quotes,

Erma says, “My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first one being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.”

Onedia says, “That sums up my attitude so the next step is easy. Every one does his/her own laundry even if you have to stand on a stool to reach the switches and any unintended color results can set a new fashion trend. I for one started the wrinkled look in fashion. I am always ahead of my time.”

On housework in general she is the first source to consider:

Erma says, “Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter-productivity.”

Onedia says, “Have you noticed how dirty dishes seem to multiply when your back is turned. A fine example of why housework is counter-productive. There are always more dishes; I think they procreate while we sleep. That is the reason I now prefer the ceramic top cook stoves. They make an excellent place to stack those additional dishes so you can get to the coffee maker in the morning.”

Erma says, “My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. . . .No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. . . .”

Onedia says,

  • If you can open the door of the fridge and nothing smells or falls out, you don’t need to clean it.
  • If you put out enough fresh flowers and use low light and candles, no one will notice a little dust.
  • Keep the door to the powder room locked at all times except when guests are present. That way you will always have a clean bathroom for them.
  • If I talk myself out of bed in the morning, I dare not go near it again until it is time for sleep lest I nap my day away. Best to just leave it the way you found it the night before.
  • Tell your husband that vacuuming wears out your back rubbing/scratching hand and he will volunteer to do the vacuuming or at least make no comment about the condition of the floor.

Next time I will give my full attention to child rearing and mothering in honor of today, the 23rd anniversary of having young men who could not have been as old as my favorite shoes attempt to give instructions while pretending their assigned task was grander and more complex than simply being agile and quick-minded enough to catch the offspring I pushed from my enlarged uterus.

Thank you for reading my blog. Although writing is a creative outlet and intellectual balm, I don’t write just for myself. I want the interaction of other people who will weigh in on my topics and challenge my way of thinking. Without readers this is as useful to me as a bicycle with no wheels.

Posted in Disorganized, Distracted | 14 Comments »

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